What are their goals for the future? Those are really the things that I help my clients hone in on before we even get to the dating app. So to specifically answer your question, you should not get attached to any of your matches before you have really met them and gotten to know them. I tell my clients to think of the messages and the swipes like coins in the fountain. You toss it in and you make a wish. And if it comes true, that s a wonderful thing.
You got your wish. And if it doesn t come true, it s just a penny. Are you going to get upset about a penny? That s how you really have to treat those initial messages and only start to get invested as you really get to know somebody offline. You have to start by having some intention, having some purpose. Let s turn to specifics. Different apps, as you were alluding to, ask for different things.
But what they all have in common is this pressure to make a profile that shows the world your best and brightest and truest self. That s such a hard thing to do. It s such an agonizing process.
You know, I ve sat with girlfriends for hours and been like, OK, does this skydiving picture send the right message? Does it say the right thing?
And if so, where exactly should it be in the Bumble lineup? And what does that say, you know? Or, wait, don t frame your favorite food response that way. It comes out a little too snarky. That said, I don t want people to stress out about what should go on it and really look at your dating profile and your dating experience as sort of your love lab of your life.
You can test different photos, see how they do. A profile I look at as a living document. The three C s are color, context and character. Color is - it s actually strategic to stand out from a sea of swipes. Context - telling your story through your photos. And character - showing your personality. Now, I know you ve already touched on a lot of those things and we don t have time to go through it line by line, but can you tell us generally what else makes the foundation of a successful dating profile?
I know you have some great template language in there. Any other thoughts on that? I would rather that you say I m more of a night-on-the-town kind of gal or, you know, I m a sports fan through and through. Be specific because that will make you memorable, and it will also paint a picture. I also see people wasting a lot of real estate with platitudes and talking about idealized versions of who their mate is. We don t need to say that this person needs to be kind and courteous and trustworthy.
That is a given. Now, tell me what s a level beneath that and really tell me those elements that you bring to the table. What are your no-nos for your clients? Like, sometimes if daters have been online a long time or feel that they ve been burned or frustrated with the dating process, many times I can read that through their profile. They ll tell me everything that they don t want instead of what they do want or every qualification based on disappointing past experiences. We don t need that.
We need to keep it positive. You got to match. What now? This attachment to chivalry is not serving ladies at all. And the stats show that women who are proactive and send outgoing messages have far more matches.
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So that is the headline on messaging. First, I would say don t overthink it. Don t overthink the perfect message. He had his roommates reading the messages. He s a writer So I understand why laughter he put so much time into it. I like that a lot. We overthink. I don t want to say the wrong thing. And I steer people towards leading with curiosity.
Just if you are curious about something in their profile or you connect with something in their profile, that can get that person invested in connecting and communicating with you. So we touched a little bit about how to get a match, how to, you know, craft the perfect profile.
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