Lighter skin is prized. I have had several white boyfriends, and it is routine for people to tell me how beautiful our kids would be. Even I am guilty of perpetuating these messages.
My sister is significantly lighter in skin tone than me, has a more Caucasian nose, and appears biracial to outsiders. Growing up, I remember being so envious of her lighter skin and straighter hair, calling her the pretty one and myself the smart one. I internalized this messaging, often thinking that if I had just gotten the gene for light skin, or the gene for the long, wavy Indian hair of my mother, I would be considered more conventionally attractive. In fact it goes a long way toward undoing any bias against you.
Some professional matchmakers in the US have discovered that people of all races prefer white matches. Research by Kevin Lewis, a sociology professor at the University of California, San Diego, has demonstrated that cross-race messages in online dating are comparatively rare—individuals disproportionately message others of the same race. However, the users he studied were more likely to cross race lines if they first received a message from a user of another race.
They were then more likely to initiate interracial exchanges in the near future. These findings support the idea that there is more nurture to attraction than nature. I decided on a third strategy: putting up pictures of myself as a white person. With the help of another friend, I tinted the colour of my skin and eyes in Photoshop and posed in a long blond wig. My features remained the same. I was left with pictures that really did look like me, except for the colouring.
Though Photoshop made me look more mixed than white, I described myself as white on my profile. The first White Hadiya, created with the help of a body double, had been popular. The new version was even more so, receiving sixty-four messages in her first three days online.
In the course of a week, she received messages from ninety-three users, some of them the same people I had messaged from my black profile and never heard back from.
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Here was more evidence, to my mind, that my features were not the problem; rather, it was the colour of my skin. In a Facebook community group whose members are Indigenous, black, and people of colour, I learned that my online dating difficulties are not unique. After youve been diagnosed with herpes, or answer the phone, you are already living your best life right now.
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