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This lowers happiness both for individuals and between them.

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Dolan is right to warn that most of us will probably fail one way or another if we try to live up to the insurmountable ideal of effortless, happiness-bestowing marital bliss.

Dolan does a good job highlighting the ways that we all end up so ill-prepared for happy marriages.

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One key problem? Most societies never explicitly train people in the skills that are most helpful for getting to know each other and maintaining love over a lifetime.

After elementary school, skills that help us form, strengthen, and sustain long-term social bonds—like empathic listening , expressing gratitude , or forgiveness —are rarely practiced.

We mostly assume these abilities will arise with maturity. Then, resources for supporting couples in relationships before or during marriage—or even to maintain civil discourse after divorce—are often hard to find and expensive.

It has also triggered complementary calls to celebrate marriage as the fundamental interstitial tissue that holds human civilization together. But to me and to Dolan, I suspect, given his earlier publications about the factors that fuel happiness , the important point here is that being married is, more often than not, good for happiness because it offers a readily accessible, culturally endorsed container for enduring, supportive social connection.

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